okay, so what's next?

Side note: I’m still exploring my niche, meaning the central topics of my blog. As of now, I’m exploring what to write about and somehow these brain foods are interesting to me.

Since childhoods, we were cradled in the so-called “start-end-ism.” If you are looking for a definition, there is none. I made the term up, and I will try to convey the idea behind it.

What do you think it is?#

To put it simply, the concept behind start-end-ism is very similar to the dubious idea of valuing outcome as the ultimate indicator of success but with a twist. Imagine a family tree of which members include MFEOP a.k.a the Most Feared Enemies of Productivity (I know I sound like a self-help freak): perfectionism in the lead followed by comrades as procrastination, burnout, or indecisiveness etcetera of no particular hierarchical order. As it often happens, genetics comes to play and gives rise to a brand new branch.

Essentially, start-end-ism embraces the worst qualities of its predecessors (hopefully, that’s not how you and I were made). In a sense, start-end-ism develops best with time. Lots of time. And suddenly, the extreme spare amounts of unallocated time from last year became the disastrous nourishment to this phenomenon. Giving it the time to develop new qualities:

  • Flawless consistency - if you skipped a day you have detoured from your final goal by miles and further pursuits are meaningless.

  • Man of Steel - to be better than the competition you not only have to produce more quality, start earlier but most importantly spend more hours working hard—torturing yourself. A total killer of open-mindedness and curiosity.

  • An ideal set of conditions - comfy pajamas, warm slippers, Lofi hip-hop playlist, fragrant tea… You get the idea.

  • Dunning–Kruger effect - a concise explanation

Wait, what?#

Although time fosters the process, it isn’t the main cause of start-end-ism. In 2020, mass media mostly discussed side effects of the pandemic like remote work, new normals as social distancing and masks in public, the decline in economy or mental health. But for me, the most devastating effect of the pandemic was the loss of my purpose.

At the crucial moment, I hesitated. What do I actually want to be known for? Why start a startup? Why college? Why Computer Science? Why the community you are part of? If you had asked me these questions two years ago, a determined Senik with boldness in his voice would have answered. The college admission process—something I’ve been working towards for years—was the most perplexing chapter of my life, making me question my “Why?” What is the thing that propels your behavior and actions?

I always—my English teacher taught me not to use extremisms as always, but I mean it right now—took my purposefulness for granted, until it vanished into dust…

As result, I’ve been experiencing a brain fog where everything seemed like a commitment, pinballing my way through mind traps and dealing with MFEOP in uncontrollable ways similar to Home Alone. At one point, I even started inquiring about K-Pop auditions—maybe I was destined to do so.

Onto the next journey#

We are all prone to start-end-ism and our inner purposes give us the light to fight against this monster, but in 2020 exactly those purposes were more than ever questioned. They are delicate and successful people have managed to protect them. I define start-end-ism as the phenomenon of showing immense passion towards a goal, but inadvertently experiencing a shift of purposes along the journey, resulting in devastating behavior (no physical self-harming) of oneself and later leaving behind the starting and ending points as the ultimate outcome.

The trick is we don’t know what made us think otherwise as if the stimuli were untraceable or too hard to accept. As kids, we were fostered to join different clubs, extracurricular but most of us stuck only to a few of them. Historically, talented people changed careers with a snap of fingers as Jackson Wang who turned down his full scholarship to Stanford, and the chance to compete at London 2012, just to become a rapper.

What seems like a justifiable purpose for our time being is relevant only for moments, therefore starting points should serve as a foundation and ending points as compasses, to which we strive to incline. I’m not sure how to fight this phenomenon (I almost believe we’re subconsciously assigned one) but I know that investing in systems and processes is most lucrative in the long-term game, regardless of your original intentions.

Maybe, all of this is just my observation from my pandemic life, but nonetheless I found it worth sharing. I haven’t fully recovered from my mind trap but the truth is I want to risk when the stakes are still low, otherwise, what is the real meaning of being young? 🍀